Thomas Frank has a new piece in the June Harper’s Magazine: “Required Reading”. Discussing the case of Omar Khadr Frank notes that American law-enforcement have “recommended a very different curriculum [from the Canadians] to ease his return to civil society.” That reading? The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Fitting, a book whose central premise is that the world does not have problems to fix, you have problems with the world to fix: sit down, be calm and carry on with your work. Adjust yourself to the world and, surely, fulfillment will follow, goes the reasoning. Add a dash of pseudo-science and you’ve got a best seller!

Frank ends his essay speculating on the possibility that the 7 Habits will produce highly effective people, though without eradicating the anger that got them into Guantanamo (or that Guantanamo instilled into them; I forget which direction that relationship goes).

I started this essay bemoaning the decline of American propaganda from highbrow to middlebrow, but maybe the best solution is to sink all the way to the bottom of the taste hierarchy. Maybe we haven’t gotten banal enough. Maybe, to twin this war, the ugly American needs to do his stuff.

What the Guantanamo inmates need to learn, then, is the opposite of effectiveness. They need to become lazy and self-indulgent. They need to grasp the pointlessness of getting things done. They need to become American-style consumers, not American-style executives—and least of all American-style aesthetes.

Let us outfit every cell at Guantanamo with a recliner and the full universe of cable TV, including Spice Platinum. Set each prisoner up with a Snuggie, a crate of Hot Pocket, and Grand Theft Auto. Their curriculum will be limited to a single habit, one that comes naturally in our culture: take it easy, do what feels good, and remember, it’s always someone else’s problem.

A modest proposal, to be sure.